


The natives are not friendly

by Vae



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Torchwood
Genre: Crossover, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-22
Updated: 2010-08-22
Packaged: 2017-12-07 18:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/751604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vae/pseuds/Vae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>"It's a what?" Adam flattens himself against the wall next to the tiny Asian woman, and tries not to look around the corner again. He can smell the thing, anyway. It's sort of like the bus after a week on the road when Tommy's been eating nothing but burritos.</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>"A weevil," the woman says crisply, if breathlessly, rummaging in her purse.</em>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	The natives are not friendly

"It's a what?" Adam flattens himself against the wall next to the tiny Asian woman, and tries not to look around the corner again. He can smell the thing, anyway. It's sort of like the bus after a week on the road when Tommy's been eating nothing but burritos.

"A weevil," the woman says crisply, if breathlessly, rummaging in her purse.

He risks a glance anyway, recoiling. "They're native?"

She looks up at him like he's a complete moron. "They're really not." She holds up an aerosol that looks a lot like pepper spray. Maybe mace. "This should take care of it, though."

"You're gonna style it's hair?" Adam asks incredulously. If the thing even has any hair, seriously, he should just have gone straight back to the buses after set-up.

Evidently he's not gaining any points in the woman's eyes. "It's anti-weevil spray."

"Of course it is." Right. She's insane. On the other hand, if the thing's a hallucination, it's a shared one, and a smelly one. "So you're just gonna... spray it and it runs away?"

"Try not to be so stupid." She zips her purse again and slings it across her back. "You're going to distract it, I'm going to spray it, and it's going to pass out."

Of course. Why didn't he think of that? "Distract it how?"

"You could try talking to it," she says waspishly. "Now, before it goes away."

"I want it to go away!" Adam protests and freezes. Apparently the thing's got really good hearing. "Okay, right, going to... distract."

Except just distracting it doesn't seem enough. Not when he's this big six foot plus guy and she's all tiny in all sorts of ways and she's only armed with pepper spray. He takes a deep breath, regrets it when his lungs fill with the stench of weevil, and strolls out around the corner, as casually as he can.

The weevil looks at him, nostrils flaring (if those are even nostrils), lip curling to show some really bad dentistry, even by the standards Adam's already seen in Wales, and growls.

Adam stands his ground. "So, uh... where's good to eat around here?"

The weevil takes a pace towards him, and it's all Adam can do not to take a step back. "I mean, I'm new in town, you look like you know your way around..."

He can hear stealthy footsteps behind him, and if he can hear them, the weevil probably can too. He keeps talking, desperately trying to cover the sound. "And I could really do with a few pointers..."

The weevil stops still, looking at him, and growls again, deeper, louder. Aw, shit. Adam abandons diplomacy, lets out what he hopes is a blood-curdling, definitely high-pitched yell, and runs towards it.

"Get down!" the woman calls from behind him, but it's too late for Adam to stop. he does lower his head, though, hitting the apparently startled weevil hard in the thorax and bearing it back a couple of paces before something hisses over his head and the weevil drops.

So does Adam, rather shocked, dropping to his knees on the ground next to the laid out weevil. "I'm Adam," he tells the woman breathlessly and offers his hand.

She looks at him for a moment, then gives him a small smile and her hand. "Tosh," she says, shaking his hand. "Let me buy you a drink."


End file.
